Posts Tagged ‘ reflection ’

A Very Long Engagement (2004) – What if the amnesia’s permanent? Is it a loss for me or for him?

A Very Long Engagement Poster

Last night, I had the opportunity to watch this film in WarnerTV. Despite the film being around 8 years old already, this is the first time I actually learned of its story.

 

But anyway, enough of that. I’m not a huge fan of French films – I don’t know why, maybe I find them unusual, or maybe I just did not have any chance to watch one properly. This film is definitely French, and I find the film extremely (this might be an exaggeration) witty and creative. It’s a sad love story (hence, the name), but there are just some scenes were you tend to smile because of the witty dialogues (I always look forward to the postman scenes – MY GRAVEL!).

 

I won’t do a review of the film, nor talk about it. Go watch it for yourself if you’re up to it. Just a warning, though, there are some gory stuffs (especially in the first few scenes) so if you’re sort of okay with those kind of scenes, then be my guest and watch it (no sarcasm here). There were a lot of moments when I would just find myself gasping over some scenes and some revelation of a secret, but I never expected that I would be tearing up. Mathilde just did so much in finding her lover, and even though she constantly relies on signs and on fate, she’s pretty much admirable. Her left leg’s weak due to polio but she’s more than willing to travel all around France and dig some dirt on people just to get some information to where her fiance is. She finally found him – with amnesia.

 

It’s a heartbreaking scene seeing your loved one, and just treating you like you just met for the first time, and you’re all just cordial and all. It sucks. While watching how Mathilde saw her fiance (I keep forgetting how to spell his name) doing something on boxes, I cannot help but think “What would I do if my fiance has amnesia?” until now, I cannot think of how I’ll act – I’ll be extremely grateful if his personality’s still the same, because I can just win him over slowly – but what if his entire personality changes? What would I do? Would I just leave him and just hope that he gets better? What if the amnesia’s permanent? Is it a loss for me or for him? Would I actually hold on?

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pouring my heart out on this word processor is torture.

Pamela teaching her children (1743–45)

Image via Wikipedia

Being able to adapt to the changes and come up with creative methods on instructing are one of the few things that define an effective educator. In line with being adaptive, keeping up with the changes in the academic world is also a characteristic, as well as a small burden, for any educator. This implies that being an educator goes beyond instructing; an educator has to constantly learn the said changes.

 

This is what scares me the most.

 

Barely a year into the program, and I already feel the pressure of becoming a decent educator rising. Expectations from the left and right, and even those behind me are slowly catching up. I keep learning about being an educator, but I do not know how to be an effective one. At first, when I was asked what aspects I should improve on myself as an educator, the first answer that I came up with was “everything”.

 

But why did I unconsciously answer ‘everything’?

 

I still do not feel confident that I know a lot about being an educator, especially one that handles the early childhood stage. I keep reading about how an early childhood educator makes a huge impact on the education of the child, and it keeps me on edge. As much as possible, I want to be the perfect teacher – I want to be the kind of educator that parents would feel comfortable leaving their child to. I believe that my classroom management skills are above average, as I apply them in the goings-on in my daily life, and so far, they have not failed me.

 

Grateful for my professors, I have already found out what kind of learner I am, and my educational philosophy. I find myself completely traditional – a visual learner and an essentialist in nature. Personally, knowing that I possess traits that are needed in an early childhood education teacher, I feel much more confident in myself. I know that in most preschools, despite the different curriculums, preschools want their students to learn the basics, something that an essentialist educator would gladly teach. Students at this stage are highly visual too; their attention is short, and visuals are among the top tools needed in order to catch the attention of the students. Who else can make an effective visual other than a visual learner himself?

 

Never in my entire life would I find that studying education would make me learn more about myself, not after my previous program. I used to think that Psychology would help me acquire information about myself; possessing an interpersonal intelligence, I guess it is of utmost importance to have a firm and stable knowledge of one’s self before venturing out into the open. I used to think, that if not Psychology, no other program would help me gain more insight about myself; and now, I am eating my words. Despite the results of various personality tests taken and interpreted, despite knowing what type of personality I possess, it was not enough. I became more aware of myself, but it did not give me direction on how to lead my life. My personality test results explained why I am behaving in such manner, but it never explained how such behaviour could help me improve. The small tests that I took in education gave me a specific view on my life; knowing my philosophy, finding role models, learning about the different aspects on being an efficient educator, and knowing what kind of learner I am all lead me into being a more effective human being. They made me conscious on how I act, and I learned how to detach myself from everything. I solve problems now by distancing myself away from the problem and see the whole issue from a third person’s point of view; I became more observant and careful of my words… I just appreciate how much I have changed.

 

I guess what I fear the most are my strategies and methods that I will use upon becoming a teacher. As an essentialist, I know for sure that I have the tendencies of becoming a traditional teacher. I fear that I may not be able to overcome this. I fear that I might constantly resort to lecture and direct instruction. I fear that I would lose control of myself and be dominating to my students. I also fear my lessons. I may know them by heart and soul, but they could all disappear once I stand in front of my students. I might stutter, keep forgetting what I’m trying to say and just lose confidence about myself entirely.

 

I have a handful of things to improve on, and I do not know where to start.

Panic! at the Disco – The Calendar

after listening to this song for about 10 or so times, it’s only now that I got to appreciate the song. Of course, it’s also thanks to Kimi Wa Pet for letting me understand a lot of things today. :)) although i’m not really sure what it means, the lyrics sort of tell me that it’s all about loyalty and patience. 🙂

// whoa, i just gave too much credit on a manga i’m currently reading, and i’m not even halfway through! 🙂

// anyway, enjoy! 🙂

They said if you don’t let it out
You’re gunna let it eat you away
I’d rather be a cannibal baby
Animals like me don’t talk anyway
Feel like an ambulance
Chaser of faith
Pray I could replace
her forget the way her tears taste
Oh the way her tears taste

Put another ex on the calendar
Summer’s on its deathbed
There is simply nothing worse
Than knowing how it ends
And I meant everything I said that night
I will come back to life
But only for you, only for you

Well we may call it a second chance
But when I came back it was more of a relapse
Anticipation’s on the other line
And obsession called while you were out
Yeah it called while you were out

Put another ex on the calendar
Summer’s on its deathbed
There is simply nothing worse
Than knowing how it ends
And I meant everything I said that night
I will come back to life
But only for you, only for you

Asleep in the hive
I guess all the buzzing got to me
Well, I’m still alive
At night your body is a symphony
And I’m conducting you

They said if you don’t let it out
You’re gunna let it eat you away

Put another ex on the calendar
Summer’s on its deathbed
There is simply nothing worse
Than knowing how it ends
And I meant everything I said that night
I will come back to life
But only for you, only for you
Only for you, only for you

love songs and love stories. || Panic at the Disco – Always

honestly, it has been sometime before i shed a tear about love. i watch and read a lot of love stories in the past few months of being single, but it’s only now that i felt lonely (for a short while).

The combination of Kimi wa Pet chapter 26 and Panic at the Disco‘s Always and The Calendar is bound to recall all my insecurities. What I love about this manga is that the female lead character is my ideal self. Although she lacks social skills and some honesty in herself, I am no different from her. She finds satisfaction in a guy she adopted as a ‘pet’, and this guy practically takes care of her emotionally and psychologically (not that she’s psychologically disturbed) while she takes care of him with regards to physiological needs. I can’t help but think that I mind end up being like her. I MIGHT END UP LOVING SOMEONE UNEXPECTED.

and it scares me. I don’t do random and spontaneous. I do schedules and planning and calculation. I don’t deal with unexpected because i do my best to see every fault that might happen. 

When the world gets too heavy,
Put it on my back
I’ll be your levy
You are taking me apart
Like bad glue on a get well card

It was always you falling for me
Now there’s always time calling for me
I’m the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know

I’m a fly that’s trapped in a web
But I’m thinking that, my spiders dead
Lonely, lonely little life
I could kid myself in thinking that I’m fine

It was always you falling for me
Now there’s always time calling for me
I’m the light blinking at the end of the road

Blink back to let me know

That I’m skin and bone
Just a king and rusty throne
Oh the castle’s under siege,
But the sign outside says “leave me alone”

It was always you falling for me
Now there’s always time calling for me
I’m the light blinking at the end of the road
Blink back to let me know

It was always you
Blink back to let me know
It was always you